My name is Courtney.
I live in Minneapolis.
“Kim Kardashian has reportedly set her sights on poor Tim and reportedly has a major crush on the guy.”
“Tim’s been made aware of Kim’s crush, and although flattered, he’s not interested,” said a source.
When reached for comment by nobody, I had this to say:
(Source: celebitchy.com)
I’ve been asked by several people whether or not Capital One issued me the Courtney Stodden credit card. They most certainly did not. Someone there must have recognized her, because when I tried to tell them she was my sister, they didn’t believe me. So, on to plan B. This has zero chance of being approved, but I hope someone at Capital One enjoys this. I also hope they realize I can keep this up forever.
I was reading through Kim Kardashian’s letter to her fans, because I’m some sort of asshole who likes to read things that that will make me angry, and while the whole thing is just sort of stupid and ridiculous and sad (did I mention it is stupid? It really is you guys), there was one line that really jumped off the screen at me and it nearly made me audibly laugh and/or cry (tears of pure joy),
“I’m being honest here and I hope you respect my courage because this isn’t easy to go through.”
You hope we respect your courage? What kind of shit thing is that to say? I mean, really? Congratulations on getting divorced after having three meals with your new husband? OK FINE, you are courageous and inspirational to us all! Hey, people suffering from debilitating illness, or people who have to skip meals so their children can eat…respect Kim’s courage! If being an asshole were an Olympic sport, Kim would have all of the gold medals. The silver and bronze ones too, I suppose, because who would even try to enter that competition? OK, maybe Donald Trump would sneak in there upset her for a silver medal or something. WHATEVER.
I picture Kim sitting in front a computer, Skyping with the PR person who eventually sat down and barfed this thing out onto the internet, trying to come up with a line that would be her “FDR, ask not what your country can do for you” moment and this is where they came down. Good job. No, great job. For me, the only really good thing that has come out of this divorce is that I no longer have to worry about being in charge of building a moat around Minnesota to keep Kim out. Now, let’s never speak of this again.
Kim Kardashian
Dear Kim,
The entire state of Minnesota appreciates your respect.
Yee-haw,
Minnesota
“This guy should be ashamed of himself. Calling up a magazine and making up an entirely fake story in a sad attempt to ruin my relationship!?!?! It’s just shameful and this guy should feel ashamed and humiliated. Is this your pathetic attempt for attention? I’ll be damned if anyone, especially some loser I’ve never even met, is going to try to come between Kris and me.”
Yeah, I hate it when people make pathetic attempts at attention too. Pot, meet my friend Kettle.
Bell Biv DeVoe - Poison
I have to give BBD credit, they totally warned us about Kim Kardashian.
