Footage Not Found

Footage Not Found My name is Courtney.

I live in Minneapolis.

Invite your closest friends to join you for the premiere of NBC’s new hit comedy (?), “Smash!” Obviously you should have sent customized invitations through the mail weeks ago, but I guess you still have time to fire off a quick e-vite this morning. But honestly, you should really be ashamed of yourself. Consider inviting your enemies too, because Smash is going to be so inspirational you’ll forget why you were enemies to begin with. Have the invitees come dressed as their favorite “Smash” character. Obviously everyone will come dressed as Debra Messing. If anyone shows up as the wheelchair kid from “Glee” they automatically win the costume contest. Party favors are customary at an event as fancy as this, I suggest you give your invitees custom embroidered handkerchiefs.  The handkerchiefs should be Egyptian cotton, with a minimum thread count of 250. If you are going to be a cheap jerk about the whole thing get Peruvian pima cotton. Obtain 4 liters of ether. Where do you get ether you ask? I don’t know. My first thought would be to get a time machine and visit a Civil War era hospital. That place is probably crawling with ether. If that isn’t possible try the closest pawn shop. Or WalMart. Or the weird looking guy hanging out in the WalMart parking lot. When your guests begin to arrive, greet them at the door with their party favor, which has now been soaked in ether. When they gasp in excitement at the beautiful handkerchief you have given to them, overpower them and hold the ether soaked rag to their mouth. Make sure to form a tight seal around their mouth and nose. Now that your friend (or former enemy) has been incapacitated, find them a nice spot on the floor to sleep it off. Make sure everyone gets a pillow and a blanket! Now that you are the only one who is still conscious, pour the remaining ether over the television and light it on fire, just to be sure you don’t accidentally watch “Smash.” Don’t forget to post pictures of your Smash Party on Tumblr! Go to bed early, because you have a big day tomorrow of shopping for a new TV and probably getting arrested. Have a smashing good time everybody!

  1. Invite your closest friends to join you for the premiere of NBC’s new hit comedy (?), “Smash!” Obviously you should have sent customized invitations through the mail weeks ago, but I guess you still have time to fire off a quick e-vite this morning. But honestly, you should really be ashamed of yourself.
  2. Consider inviting your enemies too, because Smash is going to be so inspirational you’ll forget why you were enemies to begin with.
  3. Have the invitees come dressed as their favorite “Smash” character. Obviously everyone will come dressed as Debra Messing. If anyone shows up as the wheelchair kid from “Glee” they automatically win the costume contest.
  4. Party favors are customary at an event as fancy as this, I suggest you give your invitees custom embroidered handkerchiefs.  The handkerchiefs should be Egyptian cotton, with a minimum thread count of 250. If you are going to be a cheap jerk about the whole thing get Peruvian pima cotton.
  5. Obtain 4 liters of ether. Where do you get ether you ask? I don’t know. My first thought would be to get a time machine and visit a Civil War era hospital. That place is probably crawling with ether. If that isn’t possible try the closest pawn shop. Or WalMart. Or the weird looking guy hanging out in the WalMart parking lot.
  6. When your guests begin to arrive, greet them at the door with their party favor, which has now been soaked in ether. When they gasp in excitement at the beautiful handkerchief you have given to them, overpower them and hold the ether soaked rag to their mouth. Make sure to form a tight seal around their mouth and nose.
  7. Now that your friend (or former enemy) has been incapacitated, find them a nice spot on the floor to sleep it off. Make sure everyone gets a pillow and a blanket!
  8. Now that you are the only one who is still conscious, pour the remaining ether over the television and light it on fire, just to be sure you don’t accidentally watch “Smash.”
  9. Don’t forget to post pictures of your Smash Party on Tumblr!
  10. Go to bed early, because you have a big day tomorrow of shopping for a new TV and probably getting arrested.

Have a smashing good time everybody!

Posted February 6, 2012 at 11:12 am 18 notes

#Smash#the worst

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  1. julyanomsaway reblogged this from footagenotfound
  2. awesome-everyday said: None of this involves feces, which is what I think of every time I see the word “Smash”
  3. charlespudding reblogged this from footagenotfound
  4. footagenotfound posted this