I'm the jerk behind LOLSlater.7 Kinds of Drunk
For no good reason I’ve decided to classify the seven most common types of drunkeness:
Day Drunk - This is the type of drunk that leads to you going to a matinee of The Three Stooges movie.
Business Drunk - As documented by 30 Rock: It involves scotch, sales projections, and balding middle managers. It is the most depressing way to be drunk.
Airport Drunk - This is probably the most expensive of the drunks, but if you are going to be trapped in a metal tube, 35,000 feet over Nebraska with a bunch of strangers, you might as well be hammered. Don’t tell the flight attendant that you’d like to fly the plane. They don’t think that is funny if you are older than 6.
Company Christmas Party Drunk - Certainly there is an open bar, and no self-respecting adult is going to not abuse that. Your punishment will come in the form of you making out with a 45-year-old co-worker while he/she’s spouse looks on in horror.
Bro Drunk- You drank a bunch of red bull vodka, chased it with some jager bombs and now you and the rest of the lacrosse team are playing grab ass with each other. Hopefully you fall asleep face down in a puddle.
Exhausted- This is what Lindsey Lohan calls drunk.
Hasselhoff Drunk- So drunk you are eating Chinese food with your hands while sitting on one of those wooden benches on the subway platform. You’ll likely wake up with gonorrhea contracted from said bench.
