February 2012
70 posts
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Anonymous asked: What is the best concert you ever went to?
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Actual minutes from a lunch meeting
12:00 PM - Meeting begins.
12:00.30 PM - I notice our intern, Nate, or as he prefers to be called, “Night Train” (no seriously), is wearing a shirt very similar to this:
12:01 PM - I spend a full minute looking at Nate trying to decide if I should just quit my job or fire Night Train for bringing a “Jon Gosselin circa 2010 mental breakdown” look into my work life.
...
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5 reasons why most of my posts contain bullet...
I’m lazy.
No, like seriously lazy.
And dumb.
Writing full sentences is a lot of work. And don’t even get me started on what a pain in the ass constructing a decent narrative is.
Eh, four reasons is enough.
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Depressing Fact of the Day
Didn’t you just hate the Oscars last night? Were you SO mad that everyone who won wasn’t who you thought deserved to win? Oh man, award shows, right? They are always just the worst! Why do we continue to watch? I was so personally offended that the 6 hours of preshow coverage on E! was so heavy on Seacrest that I didn’t even watch the actual show. Take that Angelina’s weird leg!
Anyway, the day...
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WatchI’m sorry you guys, but we have to have a serious talk. A serious talk about Paris Hilton, music, and hubris running unchecked for 31 years culminating in a musical catastrophe that somehow involves aforementioned Paris Hilton, techno music, spoken word, and me wanting to burn Los Angeles to the ground just so she can’t do this again. I’m of course talking about her music video, “Drunk Text.”...
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American Presidential Trivia*
Grover Cleveland, when asked which country he’d like to see diplomatic ties strengthened with during his first term in office, he replied, “Ham hocks.” He ran for his second, non-consecutive term, in office on the platform of, “Second lunches for all!” He won in a landslide but never delivered on his promise, instead consuming everyone else’s second lunches...
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White People Observing Black History Month
I’m so glad things like Facebook and Twitter exist, because it has given assholes everywhere a megaphone to broadcast their terribleness. So in that spirit I present to you the:
Top Ten Things Racists (who honestly don’t believe they are racists) Will Say During Black History Month:
Why is there no white history month?
Obama is the president. Racism isn’t a thing.
If there...
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kbjb:
Notorious B.I.G. - “Going Back to Cali”...
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“This bitch had it all.”
– Patricia Laurans, the judge who picked Cinders, a wire-haired dachshund, the winner in the hound group at The Westminster Kennel Club 136th Annual Dog Show. (via NY Times, n-doy)
kinseyschofield asked: I am totally on the phone with Courtney Stodden's Mom right now.
Anonymous asked: Hey asshole, she says horrorscope. Buy the fucking dvd's and turn the commentary on. Fuck. Happy valentines day.
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How to Identify a Missile
As a public service for peace officers of the United States, I have put together this brief primer on how to identify a missile.
Yup, that is a missile.
Not a missile.
Big time missile.
Not a pile of tiny little missiles.
Holy shit, that is a lot of missiles.
OK, this was a bomb, but it still isn’t a missile.
And there you have it, a handy guide to spotting the difference...
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Important 20th Anniversary
Did I miss the Grammy’s tribute to the 20th anniversary of Zack Attack?
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Embarrassing Confession of the Day:
One time, about 5 years ago, I almost bought a Zoo York t-shirt.
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