January 2012
69 posts
3 tags
Jan 1st
60 notes
December 2011
62 posts
1 tag
Dec 30th
388 notes
1 tag
Fall 2011 Sitcom Ratings
Hey, do you guys want to see a list of all of the network sitcoms that had higher ratings than Parks and Recreation and Community?! 3. Two and a Half Men (CBS, 18.9 million) 7. Big Bang Theory (CBS, 16.61) 8. Modern Family (ABC, 15.066) 14. 2 Broke Girls (CBS, 13.6) 15. Mike & Molly (CBS, 13.56) 28. How I Met Your Mother (CBS, 11.5) 29. Last Man Standing (ABC, 11.47) 38. New Girl (Fox, 10.0)...
Dec 29th
18 notes
1 tag
Dec 29th
18 notes
2 tags
Dec 28th
8 notes
2 tags
Dec 28th
59 notes
2 tags
8 Things Larry the Cable Guy Owes Us An Apology...
8. Unironically titling something, “The Best of Larry the Cable Guy.” 7. Ruining The History Channel. 6. For releasing ”Git-R-Done.” In Blu-ray no less.  5. Forcing us to side with Team Heartburn. 4. Ruining Christmas forever.  3. Presenting a clear and present danger to our food supply. 2. Whatever the fuck this is, which I guess is available for purchase...
Dec 28th
25 notes
2 tags
Dec 28th
110 notes
1 tag
Dec 28th
9 notes
1 tag
Dec 27th
22 notes
2 tags
“Within 3 hours of the ceremony being over the marriage was kyboshed by the...”
– This is Sinead O’Connor’s announcement that her marriage of 18 days is over and I don’t understand any of it. Is she saying her honeymoon was essentially a “Harold & Kumar” movie and that is why she is getting divorced? Awesome.
Dec 27th
12 notes
1 tag
Because of course
Place my cell phone was not at this morning: My dresser Place my cell phone was this morning: In the refrigerator Nice work, me.
Dec 22nd
15 notes
Anonymous asked: Assume that no one gives a damn about the independent candidate, and let's say Kim K is swinging democrat because she has a lot of gays, so by the precess of eliminination, Courtney S is a repub-lickin'; would you rather vote for Courtney Stodden or Kim Kardashian as the next president?
Dec 22nd
9 notes
1 tag
Dec 22nd
43 notes
Submitted by: neverbealoneagain
Why do I feel like you are somehow responsible for this? Well, I don’t know where this photo came from, but I will tell you this. There is one place in Minneapolis where “Zack Attack” is engraved on a memorial, or a stadium brick, or a theatre brick, or a city park bench, where I donated funds. The first person to send me a photo of this will win a prize. The prize will...
Dec 22nd
5 notes
2 tags
Dec 22nd
8 notes
1 tag
Dec 21st
13 notes
2 tags
Dec 21st
13 notes
2 tags
So, I guess MTV is going to reboot “Punk’d.” ”AWESOME!” says nobody. The bad (and by bad I mean really super good) news is that Ashton won’t be hosting. So now I guess America’s #1 douche has to be replaced and because we are mostly the worst he must be replaced by someone who is as enjoyable as a barium enema. So here are a dozen nouns that could be just...
Dec 20th
8 notes
Anonymous asked: Why is the man from breaking bad on the new ciroq commercial?
Dec 20th
3 notes
1 tag
Taxicab Lessons
Important things that I have recently learned: Cab drivers do not think it is funny when you jokingly offer to pay your fare with Applebee’s gift cards. Yelling, “WE’RE TALKIN’ APPLEBEE’S, SON!” does not defuse the situation. I am not a cooler. Being called a “motherfucker” in an unidentified Slavic sounding language is actually pretty funny. I also think he might have said...
Dec 20th
22 notes
2 tags
Dec 20th
20 notes
1 tag
Dec 20th
8 notes
1 tag
Dec 20th
21 notes
2 tags
Dec 19th
16 notes
2 tags
Dec 19th
25 notes
3 tags
Dec 19th
14 notes
1 tag
Dec 16th
11 notes
popularityisimportant asked: What do you want for Christmas?
Dec 16th
9 notes
2 tags
Dec 16th
20 notes
2 tags
Dec 15th
19 notes
1 tag
Dec 15th
16 notes
1 tag
Dec 14th
67 notes
2 tags
People I'd Vote for Before Newt Gingrich
An actual newt Kreyshawn Topher Grace Michael Jackson DJ Roomba Whoever is the senior class president at Minneapolis South High School Gary Busey’s dentist Lindsay Lohan’s sponsor Dina Lohan Michael Lohan Marie Osmond’s plastic surgeon Matt Millen An inanimate carbon rod Kim Kardashian’s divorce attorney That one ex-gf of Hugh Hefner who isn’t Holly...
Dec 14th
40 notes
1 tag
Dec 14th
20 notes
Anonymous asked: You are my favorite person. If I had to choose my two favorite sources of entertainment in the world, it would be a tie between your tumblr and Courtney Stodden's twitter.
Dec 14th
21 notes
Anonymous asked: Can we please see a picture of you?
Dec 14th
30 notes
Dec 14th
64 notes
1 tag
Dec 13th
68 notes
2 tags
Dec 13th
27 notes
1 tag
Dec 12th
18 notes
1 tag
Talk About a Meet Cute!
There is a new woman who started at my office today. Her name is Virgin. VIRGIN. Which is all fine and good because most of my friends have either named their kids after inanimate objects or by jamming a bunch of consonants together and making up a pronunciation for the collection of the offending letters. Whatever. This is why names like Nevaeh exist. Anyway, Virgin informed me that Courtney is...
Dec 12th
39 notes
2 tags
Dec 11th
5 notes
1 tag
Presidential Ringtones
Remember back in May when Newt Gingrich was giving a speech in Iowa and his phone started to ring? And by “ring” I mean his ringtone was ABBA’s “Dancing Queen.” No seriously, Newt’s ringtone was “Dancing Queen.” So naturally I decided it was time to guess what the other presidential candidate’s nonsensical ringtones might be. My life would be complete if I was right about any of these: Michele...
Dec 9th
14 notes
2 tags
Dec 9th
40 notes
fobay asked: Do you continue to watch Whitney just to entertain us, or is it some sort of sick self-flagellation for some perceived sins?
Dec 8th
8 notes
1 tag
Public Service Announcement
Tonight’s episode of “Whitney” is titled, “Christmas is Cummings.” I’m exhausted even thinking about how terrible it is going to be.
Dec 8th
7 notes
1 tag
Dec 8th
14 notes
1 tag
Dec 8th
9 notes
Dec 8th
3,159 notes