Footage Not Found

Footage Not Found I'm the jerk behind LOLSlater.

I live in Minneapolis.

"You need to do a post on headlines that TV columnists can use for when Smash premieres on Monday. So far I have "Smash is a smash for NBC", "Smash is not a smash for NBC", and "I got smashed while watching Smash last night" (that one's for the bloggers)."

Asked by belmore

This is a good idea. In addtion to the ones you listed, here are a few others:

  • “Smash’s Katharine McPhee smashes our will to live!” 
  • “Debra Messing is an embarrassing Smash to the nuts.”
  • “Smash Mouth > Smash.”
  • “Smash is a Jersey Shore euphemism for fucking. And now a shitty musical TV show.”  

This is making me sad.

Posted February 2, 2012 at 3:11 pm 11 notes

Trump Endorses Romney

“Thank you, Donald. Thank you so very much for providing us with your important and well respected opinion on the upcoming primary election involving bunch of white dudes who take turns saying very intelligent, empathetic and inspirational things on a daily basis,” says nobody.

Posted February 2, 2012 at 2:47 pm 6 notes

#FRRT#I'm waiting for Frankie Muniz to endorse someone

Guys. GUYS! I think this year might be the 10th anniversary of the release of the American classic “Boat Trip.” Or maybe it isn’t. IMDB says 2002, but Rotten Tomatoes says 2003. This is all very confusing. Actually, who cares what year it was released, let’s just celebrate this movie for the next two years to be safe.  Sound good? Great, I’m glad we’re all in agreement. Now, on the off chance you aren’t familiar with this film; here is a quick summary of the plot complements of Wikipedia.  No, wait…I’m not going to paste the whole thing in here because it must be 250 words and ugh, TL;DR, amirite? Here is a general plot summary, presented with no context, and not necessarily in order: Jerry (Cuba Gooding Jr.) and Nick (Horatio Sanz) are two best buddies whose love lives have hit rock bottom….things do not go as planned though, after a vengeful travel agent books them on a cruise for gay men….they come to learn that gay men are less objectionable than they first assumed…Jerry falls in love with the cruise’s dance instructor Gabriella (Roselyn Sanchez)… he pretends to be gay…in the end, Jerry wins Gabriella while Nick loses out on Inga…he is then reunited with Sonya, much to his disgust and irritation, and Sonya’s happiness and arousal. LOLS, RIGHT?! I know! It has everything you could ask for in a movie. Mild to extreme homophobia, fat Horatio Sanz, that guy who yelled a lot in Jerry Maguire, dozens of women who have made 3 or more appearances in Playboy between 1994-1998, more homophobia, some hetero stuff and Vivica A. Fox. Surprisingly, “Boat Trip” is currently only tracking at 7% on Rotten Tomatoes. I say “currently” because you never know when another rave review might trickle in, especially during this 24-month long celebration of its 10th anniversary.  And I didn’t want to get all braggy, but I think it is important that you all have an opportunity to read the 6 positive reviews the movie did get, one of which compares Cuba Gooding Jr to Sir Laurence Olivier, which seems like a rather obvious comparison to me, but whatever:   If you still aren’t convinced, I’ll just leave you with this screencap that I think really captures the majesty, the humor, and originality of “Boat Trip.”   It is a girl simulating fellatio on a banana. Bwahahahahaha!!! This movie is totally B-A-N-A-N-A-S! Blowjob bananas.  10 stars! One for every year this wonderful film has been a part of our lives.

Guys. GUYS! I think this year might be the 10th anniversary of the release of the American classic “Boat Trip.” Or maybe it isn’t. IMDB says 2002, but Rotten Tomatoes says 2003. This is all very confusing. Actually, who cares what year it was released, let’s just celebrate this movie for the next two years to be safe.  Sound good? Great, I’m glad we’re all in agreement.

Now, on the off chance you aren’t familiar with this film; here is a quick summary of the plot complements of Wikipedia.  No, wait…I’m not going to paste the whole thing in here because it must be 250 words and ugh, TL;DR, amirite? Here is a general plot summary, presented with no context, and not necessarily in order:

Jerry (Cuba Gooding Jr.) and Nick (Horatio Sanz) are two best buddies whose love lives have hit rock bottom….things do not go as planned though, after a vengeful travel agent books them on a cruise for gay men….they come to learn that gay men are less objectionable than they first assumed…Jerry falls in love with the cruise’s dance instructor Gabriella (Roselyn Sanchez)… he pretends to be gay…in the end, Jerry wins Gabriella while Nick loses out on Inga…he is then reunited with Sonya, much to his disgust and irritation, and Sonya’s happiness and arousal.

LOLS, RIGHT?! I know! It has everything you could ask for in a movie. Mild to extreme homophobia, fat Horatio Sanz, that guy who yelled a lot in Jerry Maguire, dozens of women who have made 3 or more appearances in Playboy between 1994-1998, more homophobia, some hetero stuff and Vivica A. Fox.

Surprisingly, “Boat Trip” is currently only tracking at 7% on Rotten Tomatoes. I say “currently” because you never know when another rave review might trickle in, especially during this 24-month long celebration of its 10th anniversary.  And I didn’t want to get all braggy, but I think it is important that you all have an opportunity to read the 6 positive reviews the movie did get, one of which compares Cuba Gooding Jr to Sir Laurence Olivier, which seems like a rather obvious comparison to me, but whatever:

 Photobucket

If you still aren’t convinced, I’ll just leave you with this screencap that I think really captures the majesty, the humor, and originality of “Boat Trip.”

 

Photobucket

It is a girl simulating fellatio on a banana. Bwahahahahaha!!! This movie is totally B-A-N-A-N-A-S! Blowjob bananas.  10 stars! One for every year this wonderful film has been a part of our lives.

Posted February 2, 2012 at 1:34 pm 11 notes

#important movies

Let’s catch up with the cast from the 1989 movie, UHF, because why not?

  1. Fran Drescher - Recently claimed to have been abducted by aliens and had a microchip implanted in her hand…which is whatever. The real insanity is how terrible her show, ”Happily Divorced,” really is.
  2. Michael Richards - Huge racist. Probably dead? Well, dead to me at least.
  3. Victoria Jackson - Huge racist. Definitely not dead. Current hobbies include hating brown people, hating gay people, hating poor people, and hating Muslim people of all colors! Cool life, Vic. Go stand in the corner until…well, forever.
  4. Weird Al Yankovic - THE ONLY NORMAL ONE IN THE BUNCH. Probably sitting around somewhere being awesome and not saying something crazy and/or racist.

Posted February 2, 2012 at 11:09 am 23 notes

#important movies

This is the only thing I’ve accomplished so far today. I might just call it a day.

This is the only thing I’ve accomplished so far today. I might just call it a day.

Posted February 1, 2012 at 11:41 am 33 notes

#ron fucking swanson#Parks and Recreation

I made a donation to Susan G. Komen today!

I made a donation to Susan G. Komen today!

Posted February 1, 2012 at 11:07 am 43 notes

#Susan G. Komen#Asshats

Attention tumblr, This album is available for free download on Amazon right now. For some reason I thought you would all appreciate it. Love, Me

Attention tumblr,

This album is available for free download on Amazon right now. For some reason I thought you would all appreciate it.

Love,

Me

(Source: amazon.com)

Posted January 31, 2012 at 7:14 pm 26 notes

#No seriously

Hey, remember that one time Perez Hilton was on “The Sopranos?”

Hey, remember that one time Perez Hilton was on “The Sopranos?”

Posted January 31, 2012 at 6:57 pm 12 notes

#The Sopranos#Perez Hilton

In which Tim Tebow becomes my hero

“Kim Kardashian has reportedly set her sights on poor Tim and reportedly has a major crush on the guy.”

“Tim’s been made aware of Kim’s crush, and although flattered, he’s not interested,” said a source.

When reached for comment by nobody, I had this to say:

(Source: celebitchy.com)

Posted January 31, 2012 at 1:54 pm 16 notes

#kim kardashian

Reality Show Pitch:

Above you will find a video of a dog that is capable of grabbing some paper off a printer, then opening a door and handing said paper to another person. Technically this makes this dog as competent as roughly 40% of the American workforce. Now, what if we got 10 dogs of various sizes and breeds and had Donald Trump run them through his extremely successful and not at all insane apprentice program? Ratings gold, right? Yo, The Donald, give me a call.

(Source: thebiglead.com)

Posted January 31, 2012 at 11:57 am 6 notes

#Celebrity Apprentice: Dog Edition.